hello to all of those who watch me...not many of you lol this is to tell everyone(who cares lol) that i will be changeing accounts from HanyouGirl17 to my NEW DA account...AfterDark17. nothing BAD has happened to warrent this, no one has been harrassing me or anything...i guess you could say that its purely for me... hanyougirl17 was been my username for alot of things, the name dates back to when i first started liking anime...hanyou coming from what was i count as my 'first' anime,inuyasha.

i have moved on from inuyasha obviously lol. but the name change isnt because im not into inuyasha anymore. in september i am attendeing georgian college, moving out of the house to live in rez and hopefully moving towards more freedom. anyone who kinda knows me knows about the issues i have with my parents and how confined i feel in my life. because im in the mood forgive the rant that is about to follow, if you want you can skip past this part and read the ending etc.

i apologize for its length lol

my parents are great people dont get me wrong...but i cant be myself. my father especially is hard to live with. most of this rant will be about him, as my mother is much more understanding and if i lived with her only, im sure that this rant would not excist. my mother is ounderstanding, she knows i like anime and that i cosplay even if shes really not that into it. shes never seen any of my cosplays, neither of my parents have( my mother has mention kinda wanting to see them....but im too shy about it now...my father has never once mentioned wanting to see them or even that i cosplay) . but my mother thinks that its neat. she went with me one year to anime north. we didnt stay long but i got to say hi to friends and kinda look around. she thought it was interesting ^_^ my mother is not the one i have a problem with.

my father is a very difficult person to live with. from before i can remember my father has always been one of the people i feared. hes never hit me of any of that, but hes a big guy and to have the images of him towering over you as he yells his lungs out at you...does not make for very good memories. its always his way...or no way at all. fear of telling him ANYTHING has always been something ive had to deal with, and im now a master at sneaking around him to do what i love.i hvae to hide my chakrams in my basement so he wont find them and then find ways to sneak them and my costumes in and out of the house to go places with them. its nerve wracking. he hates anything anime. when i first started watching inuyasha him and my brother always used to make fun of me for it. calling it stupid, and never allowing me to watch it...ie telling to go to bed at 10 on a FRIDAY when inuyahsa started at 10. so right as it was starting he would usher me off to bed even on a weekend. he couldnt let me stay up for half an hour to watch it and when i tried to protest, more yelling and calling it stupid would ensure.i hated it.

i couldnt dress the way i wanted, my father giving me weird looks, scowls and chastsizing me for trying to dress the way i wanted.its very stifleing...because i have to act...dress...and be who he wants me to be and not the way i want to be. coming home to an empty house was the only time when i think ive ever been truly relaxed in my house. as soon as the time when he cam home rolled asround, things that i was doing were either put away or had to be continued with me glancing over my shoulder every few minutes. and then when he came home, he would go and sit on the couch in front of the tv and eat. nemerous bowls and things would pile up in the kitchen and the tv room and then he would make me and my brother clean it up. then procede to yell at us...for something or other.

needless to say...i have ALWAYS veiwed my house as a cage...and there was no where to go that i could escape it.that was until college and living away from home suddenly arose from the horizon. this is the first time that i have ever been excited to go to school! once im out...i can be free! dress the way i want, cut my hair the way i want and just be me!i can hang out with my friends and not have to tell my father that im hanging out with diffrent people because he hates some of my friends! i can hang out with Andi, Tom, Justin,Jock, vince and anyone else i want!and he cant say anything because he wont know. to come home and not having someone looming over you...i cant even imagine the feeling...it makes me excited and giddy just thinking about it!so in explination as to why im changing my name...it is like a declaration of a new me and my new freedom.youve probably noticed that on this account i havent really posted any of my cosplay stuff...well on muy new account i am going to!^_^


afterdark17 is based around a few things. the name is not emo or anything of the like. afterdark is the name of a song i love (the music video as well) and a kind of tribute to one of my favorite times of the day. when everyone else is asleep. when i made all of my cosplays they have always been late at night, same with going on the computer when i was younger( i had a laptop, and my father used to steal it even though he had his own computer. he liked it because he could sit and watch tv at the same time ¬_¬. he ended up breaking it because he kept moving it around and such). it is also a tribute to my current insomnia and panic attacks that i used to have due to post tramatic stress disorder from a car acciedent.(another thing he made fun of me for was how nervous i was in cars for the next 6 months¬_¬ )

so this is me breaking away, growing up and evolveing. it is me finally becoming me...and moving away from the empty shell that i have been for so long.

i apologize for the depressing thoughts in this journal not to mention is rediculous length!...its the mood im in currently. so to everyone of my friends, the people who watch me and anyone else, please look for me on my new account!

i also want to thank all of my friends... Andi,Tom,Jock,Justin and Vince for helping me cope and survive through my life ^_^ you helped make my life great and kept me positive!! i love you all!!